Sunday night was dirty movie buffet night at the Delta. For me as a 15 year old thrilled by the partial nudity of a 50 year old Kenya mother in National Geographic, the Delta Drive In meant the big leagues of flesh viewing. There were times we drove to the railroad tracks near Vanduser, parked the car, walked 2 miles down the tracks, then another mile through snake infested, muddy cornfields, finally through sticker bushes, and then we stood like Moses, staring at the promised land, that 175 foot screen showing X-rated movies and we were not only getting to see them three years before we were legally old enough, we were also not paying the $3.00 to get in as well. Never mind we were covered in mud, with scratches from the thorn bushes. So what if we couldn’t hear anything, most of those movies just had background jazz music and a bunch of grunts and “oh yeahs”. I always thought “The Devil in Miss Jones” was the story of some Chaffee athlete scoring with some Miss Jones, but now I was learning the truth. I decided to live in Dallas, as a teen, because of everything Debbie Did to Dallas.

The first trip as an actual paying customer to the Delta Drive In was unique. Two of us had fake ID’s, Jeff D. had a beard at 15 and never got carded. Then the guy at the ticket window shines the flashlight into the back of the car at my cousin Kevin. “I need to see some ID” he called, to which Kevin quoted possibly the funniest line ever, in the deepest voice he could muster, “I ain’t got no ID” which sounded like Froggy from the Little Rascals. The guy did his job and made us leave. Low and behold, we returned 5 minutes later with Kevin suddenly no longer in the car, just the three of us, so we got in. We quickly found a parking space, opened the trunk and let Kevin out, and enjoyed all the features we thought would surely win an Oscar.

The youth of today never realize the difficulty those of us who pioneered X-rated viewing went through, since they just go to websites, no thorn bushes (well, none you walk through), no fake ID’s, no stuffing your cousin in the trunk of your car. Today’s parents have to explain the birds and the bees to their kids. Not in my day, Sunday nights were sex education class, and I dreamed of meeting the first girl who got to be my lab partner.

Illmo Missouri goes way back. Ironically, it took me to age 32 before I realized where the name came from. Such an odd sounding name to the outsider, til I got a clue and saw Ill for Illinois and MO for Missouri. Seeing as how the city resided on the Missouri side of the river, Mo-ill makes more sense but that sounds like a Health Plan for Little John and the East Side Boys. West Thebes was also an idea but until someone put a bridge for at least a train to hook up with East Thebes, that didn’t jive either.

I have heard the old folk lore about Illmo’s neighbor cities, Fornfelt and Ancell. Those three cities were the triumvirate of Northeast Scott County, a powerhouse to compete with the geographic advantages of rival Northeast Scott County town of Commerce. One day, Josh Fornfelt, grandson of city founder Horatio Fornfelt, and Walter Ancell, grandson of city founder Abner Ancell, were caught in a playing pin the tail on the donkey at their cousins farm and it wasn’t anyones birthday. Ashamed, the city councils for both cities proclaimed to merge the cities and change the name, and pass laws prohibited any descendant of a founder from hanging out with other descendants of founders in “the Romance Barn”. The new name would be Scott City, shows you how much creativity they had, just take the county name.

Still, Illmo survived the Ancell-Fornfelt mess. Illmo welcomed Scott City with open arms, the sister cities. Scott City warmed to Illmo at first, even allowing the school to carry Illmo’s name first. ISC sounded much better than SCI. Soon, however, Scott City turned evil. Jealous of Miller Meat Packing, Dr. Roth’s Dentistry/Discotechque, the Rail Yards, and the Baseball fields, the Scott City council put a plan in motion to destroy Illmo. Scott City wanted the cultural area of Illmo for their own, they wanted Illmo dropped from the school name, and most importantly, they wanted to put a toll on the new overpass Illmo had built. The plan was simple, bribe the city’s two largest employers, Wetterau and Bohannon’s Cleaners, to support a merger. They sold the idea to the citizens by claiming, “a merged city would allow us to pass Chaffee as the county’s second largest city, a rural Chicago if you will. We can also fit the school’s name on our letter jackets. Wetterau supports it, let’s do it”

The folks from Illmo were duped. Thinking the new name would be theirs, they voted the idea in. Overnight, the world said goodbye to the only Illmo the planet had ever known. With it went all the good things, the disco dentistry, the overpass-well actually it stayed but the spirit of the overpass, who knows if Miller’s still butchers meat but the Miller girls grew up and moved away once they had no city to call their own. When Scott City beat my alma mater 41-0, I would look in the mirror and say, “my high school was Chaffee High School during the Great Depression, when Dan Narsh’s kids played ball there, when Steve Cunningham was there, during the Lindy vs. Wachter debates, when the Red Devils won the state championship in Football and I tell people I was still in school then, and it is the same school I drive by twice a year going to get diapers at IGA. The hoods and thugs still stand on the corner of Yoakum and 5th and smoke and throw their butts in Eleanor Bolton’s yard there next to Chaffee High School. Take that Scott City. You can not look fondly at the Athletic careers of Gary Springs, the lanky lefty pitcher/QB, or Ray Campbell, there is no Marty Dover or Greg Innis in the history of Scott City High School. They went to Illmo-Scott City. Think the greatness of Scott Little is yours, think again. Scott Gray, the multi sport star is an I-SC alum as well. No, Mark Clayton and his wrestling trophies as well as other great “grapplers” such as Ron and Don Schaeffer should not be in the case for Scott City HS. My senior year we may have gone 0-9 in football but Scott City didn’t beat us, we lost a close one to ISC. Willie Wilthong never coached a victory for SC HS, Star Linebacker Kevin Weisenborn never played there. Randy “Mojo” Modglin was a superstar ISC hurler. Scott City High School has less traditions than New Madrid County Central. Yes, you are the county’s second largest city, but wait. Once Chaffee/Rockview/New Hamburg iron out the details you back at third. When Haywood City/Vanduser/Morley begin to see the diversity power and merge, you are fourth. If anyone would recognize the beauties who have always lived in Oran, it may grow beyond Sikeston.   Bring back Illmo before West Chester near Perryville changes their name.